The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
- Zap Brannigan
I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
- Charlie Sheen
How does taking risks make me feel? Amazing. Tingling sensation throughout my whole body. I feel flushed. My muscles are relaxed, yet I feel awake. Just waves of pleasure. I wish there was something physical that could make me feel this way.
- Leslie Knope
In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front.
- Meredith Palmer
I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So...I take precautions.
- Andy Bernard
Hi. Um, I'm a recovering crackhead. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.
- Dennis Reynolds
I got my Magnum condoms; I got my wad of hundreds. I'm ready to plow.
- Frank Reynolds
I can't explain it alright? There's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine catfood, beer and glue. It makes you feel like, extremely sick and tired and you're able to fall asleep.
- Charlie Kelly
Are you smoking weed? Oh my god... wait a minute, is that, is that my weed? What the hell man, make yourself at home why don't you.
- Jesse Pinkman